Loving relationships

1 Corinthians 13
Love is the one thing you can't be without. 
Everything else – good things that are valuable and even essential contributions to the life of any Church – are worthless, they are nothing, without love.  Tongues of men (eloquent preaching?) And tongues of angels (heavenly language), prophecy, wisdom, knowledge, faith, generosity to the poor and courageous self-sacrifice (Surrendering one's body to be burned).  These are all  examples of power, gifting, and courage; they are all needed.  But they are all pointless without love.

We have been looking at the “Quality Characteristics” of healthy churches: Empowering leadership; Gift based ministry; Passionate spirituality; Effective structures; Inspiring worship; Holistic small-groups; and Need-based mission.  I can see connexions between these and Paul's list in 1 Cor 13: tongues, prophecy, knowledge, generosity...  They all help make the Church  better. Without them, the love can be a squandered resource.  But without love, the other stuff is nothing. 

Without love, the other seven characteristics and all the gifts and gestures in the world,  are

worth nothing.  They are like a computer or tablet without an operating system.  It may be brand new, have the clearest screen, the crispest sound, the latest wi-fi, vast amounts of memory.  But when you switch it on, all you will get is a blue screen.  Yes, all the other technical bits will make the computer work better: a rubbishy screen and tinny speakers will mean nobody can appreciate the wonderful operating system.  But without the operating system, all you have is a big paperweight!  Without love, gifts, planning and sacrifice are worthless.  Without gifts, planning etc., love may be unfocussed. 

So what is love? 
Love is more than a word; it is more than a feeling.  And it is more than a bunch of gestures.  It is more even than simply generosity or self-sacrifice.   What is it?  It is an attitude,  a way of thinking as well as behaving towards other people. What do loving relationships look like?
Loving relationships are ones marked by

• Patience, (literally longsuffering, the willingness to “put up with” people's mistakes and slowness) and kindness,
• Generosity.  Love does not envy (it does not long for what belongs to someone else)
• Humility.  Love does not boast.  Love is not proud (gk means “puffed up” – a difficult word that paul sometimes uses,  with implications of being impossible to challenge or correct.)
• Decency. Love is not rude (behaving unseemly, e.g. sexually inappropriate behaviour.  Same word is used in 1 Cor 7. 36, about a young man “not behaving properly” towards his girlfriend.) Rudeness, isn't jumping the queue, but wandering hands, sexually inappropriate humour.  Love doesn't use people or objectify them sexually.
• Unselfishness. We don't insist on “my own way”  No need to explain: Paul sums that one up perfectly!
• Anger management.

  

  Image by G Lilly

  Love isn't quick to fly off the handle, nor does it keep a grudge going.  Some of us are fireworks: the least provocation and “boom!”  Some of us are like a garden bonfire, that smoulders quietly for days – or years.  And some of are like both: quick starters and slow burners!
• Joy.  Love doesn't feel pleased when someone does something wrong.  We do, sometimes; we say “thank you Lord I am not like that sinner” (Luke 18. 11) and maybe get a secret pleasure from putting them right. Love rejoices with the truth.  When people do well, achieve something, overcome a difficulty, we celebrate with them.
• Strength.  Love always protects.  Or Love bears all things. The  word is related to the word for the flat roof of a house.  Thick, solid enough to keep the rain out, tough enough to walk on.  S of S 2. 4 says “his banner over me is love”.  We need to put a banner, a blanket of secure, protective,  love over one another.
• Full of Faith and hope.  Love believes all things is not about believing the best of people, but about always having faith and being hopeful.  When someone comes to the church door telling me a “sob-story” and asking for money, does loving them mean I will believe their story?  No; loving them means I believe God can do something for them!  It is part of love, to bring faith and hope into our life together. 
• Perseverance.  Gods love never ceases.   And true love never stops loving.  That doesn't mean allowing abuse to happen.  But it does mean we love when we don't feel like loving.

So, those are the kind of relationships we should expect to see in a Healthy Church.  Strong, lasting, faith-filled, generous, tolerant and sensitive relationships. And relationships like that “Never cease.” 

Love is the Kingdom
Paul goes on to talk about various gifts – tongues, prophecy, knowledge – as things that are going to disappear – eventually!  When I was a kid, we were taught, wrongly, that tongues and prophecy would disappear when the bible was completed.  That's not what Paul means at all.  “When the perfect comes” means being fully grown up, the final climax of everything. 
All we do and experience in this life, is like childhood.  When we are in eternity, we will be grown up.  We will think and understand in a different way.  

Now, what we have of Christian experience and knowledge of God, even with the wonderful gift of Scripture, is like looking in a not very good mirror that is just a square of polished brass or silver.  (And they made mirrors like that in Corinth!)   One day, we will understand God, how creation happened,  how Jesus can be both God and man, who the Holy Spirit is; we will understand why God allows suffering.  We have that understanding, and lots more,  to look forward to!   

And when that day comes, there will still be faith, hope, and above all, love.  So loving relationships in the Church, make that Church a foretaste of heaven, right here on earth.  Loving relationships in the Church, mean that the Church is living today in the experience of the Kingdom of God: a church where there are  loving relationships, is one where “our God reigns!” 

© Gilmour Lilly 2015